I fell down

Last night I felt powerful loneliness.

It was devastating

The deep sorrow overwhelmed me and I did not know what to do.

I started to find some scriptures to help.
https://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/7-good-bible-verses-about-sorrow/
http://www.crosswalk.com/faith/spiritual-life/11-ways-jesus-speaks-into-your-sorrow-11606194.html

‘Jesus enter in to the deeply sad places in my heart. Enter into the sorrow I have for anyone who commits suicide, their families and those left behind, and their eternal salvation. Enter into the sorrow I have for people who feel alone, misunderstood and left alone.’

‘Thank you for the eternal comfort You provide. Thank you for being with me. Thank you for courage to allow myself to be sad trusting that You will teach and guide me through dark valleys.’

Ps 23:4 (KJ2000) ” 4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. ”

 

Ps 22:4-5 (KJ2000) ” 4 Our fathers trusted in you: they trusted, and you did deliver them. 5 They cried unto you, and were delivered: they trusted in you, and were not disappointed.”

A person who I hardly know messaged me on facebook and I felt a little better.
‘Thank you, Jesus, for revealing a part of how big you are. For the short and kind words of another person. No words in particular just the act of speaking to a lonely heart by Your might and comfort. You are amazing in Your grace.’

This morning the remnants of sadness were still with me. So I turned to Jesus and wrote.

Romans 5:3-5 ESV – More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

1 Peter 4:12-13 ESV – Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

‘Help me remember and know that next time I feel that sad You are the source of my joy nothing else. Thank you for answering my prayer for endurance, Help me respond better during the deep sorrow by turning to you and knowing You are holding me and loving me while I cry in Your arms.’

 

I can try to run from the sorrow or medicate it or pretend I am not feeling it but isn’t it better just to deal with it?

Ps 34:18 (KJ2000) ” 18 The LORD is near unto them that are of a broken heart; and saves such as be of a contrite spirit. ”

 

Forgive me, Jesus for not being obedient.

Good sorrow is turning back to Jesus.
Bad sorrow is sorry for myself or someone else as a distraction from taking responsiblity for what I have done wrong.

‘I can’t be responsible right now because I am too sad.’ Or ‘I can;t take any more negative ideas about myself.’ Are both vicious lies.
Jesus deals with me gently and perfectly. He loves me back to where I am strong enough in Him to hear that I made mistakes. He gives me the strength to correct the mistakes and get back up to continue my journey with Him.

Ps 126:1-6 (KJ2000) ” 1 A song of ascents. When the LORD turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream. 2 Then was our mouth filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing: then said they among the nations, The LORD has done great things for them. 3 The LORD has done great things for us; and we are glad. 4 Turn again our captivity, O LORD, as the streams in the South. 5 They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. 6 He that goes forth weeping, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.”

Yes, Jesus will turn my sorrow into dancing but I must first admit that I am in captivity.
Then cast my cares on Him. Accept His help. I must offer myself and His message regardless of the cost.
Imagine telling someone that I am sad if they don’t make it to heaven while crying.
This is very true and I am sad about many people who have died and I wasn’t sure about their salvation. Not that I know either way or can know but the possibility of them not going to heaven is very sad to me because I want to continue seeing them in heaven after this earth life because I like them and love them.

I remember one young kid I worked with who I saw walk by the night before he committed suicide. I felt an urge to talk to him but did nothing…
The very next day he was dead. I no longer had the option to speak to him.

Yes, I need to let go of the regret but not before learning the lesson. That young man deserved better. There was a lot of potential in him.

I feel deeply sad but I know I will never kill myself. Why?

Because I believe Jesus loves me. I am not afraid of sorrow.

What He does that is wonderful is heal me and guide me and answer my prayers.
‘Praise you Jesus.’ The particular prayer I am thinking about is wanting to be more faithful to Him. I am thinking about the Romans 5:3 verse. ‘rejoice in sufferings because sufferings produce endurance.’ I am sorry for not being obedient enough and I am thankful how God answered my prayer for more endurance.

 

There is something spiritual that happens when I agree with things. Yesterday I agreed that sorrow is allowed. I was tired of trying to act positively when I felt negative. I was thinking. No one really likes me.

Thoughts can be deceptive and behind them are directions to evil roads.
‘Jesus let me follow your path. You are my good shepherd there is nothing I shall want, except You.’

 

There are many reasons why I do not want to share today’s devotion but one reason I will. What if someone benefits from it? It would be worth any pain it would cause me.

 

I want to end with the end verses of Romans 5. Rom 5:4-6 (KJ2000) ” 4 And patience, experience; and experience, hope: 5 And hope makes not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who is given unto us. 6 For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly.”

This experience of deep sorrow has given me hope. I am not ashamed because there is hope in Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. He heals my sorrow by healing the world.
He already died for us all to remove all sin and He is continuing to conquer all aspects until one day it will be completely removed.

 

 

‘Thank you Jesus for people who you move to show love.’

picture from https://www.pinterest.com/donnapaulk7/sorrow-grief/?lp=true