I had a hectic week.

hectic face

I wouldn’t say I had too much to do.  I did have a lot of self pitying to do.  I didn’t want to do it but I guess if I am honest I really did want to feel sorry for myself and complain.
Like they did at Massah and Meribah ( see Exodus 17:7, Psalm 95:8, Heb 3:8)



‘Father help me focus on You and not myself.’

I fell.

The first error I decided to believe was looking at my agenda in my morning devotion instead of God’s agenda. I thought, ‘I’m really going to make this devotion time powerful and good.’ I didn’t mean any harm by it. I meant that I really wanted to spend quality time with Jesus.

Or did I?

Either way, I was the one trying to take something that was not mine. God is the one Who makes time. Jesus is the One Who meets me and the Holy Spirit is the One who’s power and love flows during devotion times. I don’t do any of it.

I forgot an important premise in my walk. ‘Without Him I can do nothing.’ and with Him I can do all things. Actually I didn’t forget the all things part, in fact I kinda ran with that too much and forgot about the without Him nothing part.

See two sides of a coin –


Sometimes it seems like other people’s words are helping me. They aren’t.  Only Jesus is helping me. I read(red) the bible while I was in error and really got no word out of it.
Why? I noticed that I read(red) quickly and when nothing was sticking out I became afraid that Jesus didn’t love me.

What I feel now is sorrow for people who can’t hear the Word of God. It is not like anyone can’t. It is just that many feel that they don’t need to and don’t want to.
Do I want my way or The Way of Jesus?

This is an important question. Am I ready to admit that I have problems directing my own life?


Am I brave enough to give someone else the reigns? Literally, I give Jesus the position of king in my life in order to live in His kingdom.

Am I patient enough to be still and know He is God? (Ps. 46:10)


I can admit today that  I am not brave enough and  I am not patient enough. But Praise Jesus He is patient enough and brave enough for both of us.
I can’t really explain how this works but I will use an analogy. It is like He brings me to the edge of a cliff and says, ‘Do you trust me enough to jump?’ Then He keeps making the fall look farther, scarier and more impossible.

It turns out Jesus can do the impossible. He is the God of relationship. A different analogy is when a virgin presents herself to the groom. She is the one trusting. He is the one with all the resources.


Ps 4:2-7 (KJ2000) ” 2 O you sons of men, how long will you turn my glory into shame? how long will you love vanity, and seek after falsehood? Selah. 3 But know that the LORD has set apart him that is godly for himself: the LORD will hear when I call unto him. 4 Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah. 5 Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the LORD. 6 There are many that say, Who will show us any good? LORD, lift up the light of your countenance upon us. 7 You have put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their grain and their wine increased.”

I never had this Psalm highlighted to me before.

Prayer: ‘I am sorry, Jesus, for turning Your glory into shame. I see what that means a little more when I don’t mention You to people around me and when I take credit for the beautiful things You do. Help me not love vanity and not think I am bad. You made me and You love me. But please, please, Jesus take all this pride away. Thank You for answering my prayer. I remember saying take away pride no matter the cost. It was a cost to me and I am glad to pay it. I would rather have Your way then any false self boosting ways.
Thank you for intervening and helping me be still. Help me remember from now on that I have time no matter what the circumstances. I have time because of You. Thank you for Your greatness Help me not be so concerned about my greatness. I love you.’