I got back to believing God is always speaking to me.

Before this I feared that He was not going to speak to me for a while.

I had to remind myself that He is always with me.

He will lead if I follow. He is the good shepherd. He likes me and He is good.


Anything else is a lie.
I lost this week because I became proud of winning.

‘Jesus help me be proud only because of you. You have done it all. With you I can do anything. Without You, nothing.’

I need both sides of this coin. Otherwise I become proud of my participation with Him and forget or get deceived that it was my doing and mistakenly transfer the gladness I have for Him into some proud conceited self absorbed wrong idea.

How He led me back. My ear buds broke.
Someone at work gave me wireless ear buds for free.

I still feel unworthy of the gift. I don’t understand how amazing God is and that He loves me like that. So personally that He would care to give me a thing I wanted. I din’t really need it. He just wanted to show off.

He loves me so well.

Matt 7:11 (ESV2011) ” 11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! ”

Luke 11:9-13 (ESV2011) ” 9 And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 10 For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. 11 What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will instead of a fish give him a serpent; 12 or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Luke 11:28 (ESV2011) ” 28 But he said, “Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and keep it!” ”
Luke 11:34 (ESV2011) ” 34 Your eye is the lamp of your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is full of light, but when it is bad, your body is full of darkness. ”

‘Father give me your Holy Spirit, please.’

Luke 18:1-43 (ESV2011) ” 1 And he told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart. 2 He said, “In a certain city there was a judge who neither feared God nor respected man. 3 And there was a widow in that city who kept coming to him and saying, ‘Give me justice against my adversary.’ 4 For a while he refused, but afterward he said to himself, ‘Though I neither fear God nor respect man, 5 yet because this widow keeps bothering me, I will give her justice, so that she will not beat me down by her continual coming.’” 6 And the Lord said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge says. 7 And will not God give justice to his elect, who cry to him day and night? Will he delay long over them? 8 I tell you, he will give justice to them speedily. Nevertheless, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on earth?” 9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: 10 “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ 13 But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ 14 I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.” 15 Now they were bringing even infants to him that he might touch them. And when the disciples saw it, they rebuked them. 16 But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. 17 Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” 18 And a ruler asked him, “Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” 19 And Jesus said to him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone. 20 You know the commandments: ‘Do not commit adultery, Do not murder, Do not steal, Do not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother.’” 21 And he said, “All these I have kept from my youth.” 22 When Jesus heard this, he said to him, “One thing you still lack. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.” 23 But when he heard these things, he became very sad, for he was extremely rich. 24 Jesus, seeing that he had become sad, said, “How difficult it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! 25 For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.” 26 Those who heard it said, “Then who can be saved?” 27 But he said, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.” 28 And Peter said, “See, we have left our homes and followed you.” 29 And he said to them, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, 30 who will not receive many times more in this time, and in the age to come eternal life.” 31 And taking the twelve, he said to them, “See, we are going up to Jerusalem, and everything that is written about the Son of Man by the prophets will be accomplished. 32 For he will be delivered over to the Gentiles and will be mocked and shamefully treated and spit upon. 33 And after flogging him, they will kill him, and on the third day he will rise.” 34 But they understood none of these things. This saying was hidden from them, and they did not grasp what was said. 35 As he drew near to Jericho, a blind man was sitting by the roadside begging. 36 And hearing a crowd going by, he inquired what this meant. 37 They told him, “Jesus of Nazareth is passing by.” 38 And he cried out, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” 39 And those who were in front rebuked him, telling him to be silent. But he cried out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” 40 And Jesus stopped and commanded him to be brought to him. And when he came near, he asked him, 41 “What do you want me to do for you?” He said, “Lord, let me recover my sight.” 42 And Jesus said to him, “Recover your sight; your faith has made you well.” 43 And immediately he recovered his sight and followed him, glorifying God. And all the people, when they saw it, gave praise to God.”

‘Jesus, help me pray and not loose heart. ”

No matter what the resistance, persist.
The widow persisted despite the judge refusing her for a while.
The blind beggar near Jericho called out louder when people rebuked him.

Jer 29:11-13 (ESV2011) ” 11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.”

The thing is I can’t even control my heart. It wanders it grows cold and it is fickle.

Jesus can though and He has done so in me again and again.

The bigger miracle than the headphones is that He has been speaking to me all along.
Even when I thought He was silent.
He warned me not to be concerned about money and when I failed He gave me a gift for free.

I want to be a good steward but not be stingy. It is hard to have the responsibility to control a thing with out suffocating it. It is hard to evangelize without coming across judgmental.

It is not hard to have faith though.
Did I forget that God can easily get through my deceptions?
I did. ‘I am most sorry, Father for underestimating you. Please forgive me for agreeing with wicked pride. I deserved the consequence of feeling alone and thinking I was stuck. Thank you for leading me back to you. Thank you for the gift of Your Holy Spirit.”

I don’t want to underestimate what His Spirit is.
How powerful and wonderful is He?
My tiny brain can not overestimate the good things contained within God.
One example is that it is not God who needs persuading to give me something I want. It is me that is slow to understand. It is my heart that became hardened by sin. I must persist in asking Him in order to melt my own heart.