Let me begin where I began this morning. I am independent and I don’t need anyone or anything.
Then a verse stood out:

(John 6:63) “It is the spirit that gives life; the flesh profits nothing: the words that I speak
unto you, they are spirit, and they are life.”

How often do I fall for other reasons for life – food, parents, money, job or myself?

How to find the spirit? Receive/find/hear the words that Jesus speaks to me.

Then I read psalm 6 because it is the 6th of December :
(Ps 6:4) Return, O LORD, deliver my soul: oh save me for your mercies’ sake.

This thought came to me – ‘When someone thinks I am angry at them. It is they who are angry with me.’
David is asking the Lord to return and yet he, David is the one who needs to return.

‘oh save’

Hosanna means O save. See John 12:13.

It is very simple. I do not understand everything at this present time. This is a common lie of my culture. I often believe that I do understand everything and if I don’t that I can simply ‘google’ it.
What a lot of power I am giving to google? A quick sound byte of information that is leading me in a direction that I might not want to go.

Anyway, the previous few verses pointed this out to me they said;
“(John 12:14) And Jesus, when he had found a young donkey, sat thereon; as it is written, (John 12:15) Fear not, daughter of Zion: behold, your King comes, sitting on a donkey’s colt.    (John 12:16) These things understood not his disciples at first: but when Jesus was glorified, then remembered they that these things were written of him, and that they had done these things unto him.”

These things his disciples did not understand at first… Again an answer is provided in the same sentence. After Jesus was glorified they remembered.
It means to me that somethings I can not understand at this moment. But I also believe that God wants us to grow in understanding of Him and of ourselves.

So understanding ourselves step one is admitting that we don’t fully understand right now.

For an example let me consider water. I think water is going to satisfy my thirst. And it does in a strictly flesh sense. But isn’t there a deeper thirst inside of me that wants to satisfy my hopes and dreams?

This thirst is what Jesus talks about in the fountain passage:

(John 4:13) Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinks of this water shall thirst again:
(John 4:14) But whosoever drinks of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.
How does this relate to the original question of pointing out who I am by examining my relationship with God or how I feel about Him?
Let me consider how I feel about Him right now. I am a little scared to be torn apart by Him. I mean I feel like the people who saw Moses talk to God and told him to go ahead and let them know what He was saying because they didn’t want to die.

(Exod 20:18-20) “And all the people saw the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the noise of the trumpet, and the mountain smoking: and when the people saw it, they moved, and stood far off. And they said unto Moses, Speak you with us, and we will hear: but let not God speak with us, lest we die. And Moses said unto the people, Fear not: for God has come to prove you, and that his fear may be before your faces, that you sin not. ”

God has come to prove you
that His fear may be before my face and that I may sin not.

Prove means test.
‘Father help me believe in your power and reverence you accordingly.’

I remember seeing the stars last night. God is very big and powerful. My ego does not want to accept that I am so needy. I want to feel that I am independent. I am not. I need a savior and until I come to this point, I really don’t have use for Jesus.

It’s OK. I never was independent. That was just a lie. ‘Thank you Jesus for shining light here where I need today. I do love you very much. Thank you for being gentle and for how you work. Thank you for saving me. I do need saving.’

Ps. I try to show how I hear God but it is unexplainable. I try to go back and see how some verse stands out or how a thought comes. First I must remember that God is not boxable. He does not follow a clear set of rules for how He likes to meet us everyday. He is like us this way. I don’t like to have the same thing to eat everyday.

Even though it is unexplainable it is not un-understandable in a small way. I know God will reveal things to me and I start this process by aligning myself to Him. What I mean is that I want to seek Him. I am willing to be changed by Him. I am willing to hear from Him.

This is where He works most often. It only takes longer to hear Him when I am resisting.
‘Please forgive me Jesus for resisting. Give me your grace to resist less and less.’